I have been thinking about what Dr. Neff (my mental trainer, I usually call him Doc) said as I move away from an intense caring attitude and into a more relaxed, more fun, more energetic way of being. I watch my confidence grow and my performances in practice get better and better. It is really kind of strange how the less I worry and the less I care about the outcome the better I do. Off of the ice I have spent extra time this week working out physically and feel as though it is really important to making my body feel confident and ready to play. I also have been trying to stay occupied and not really think much about hockey at all. I find the more I think about it, recently, the more my thoughts jump to the past or to the future.  I know I need to stay in the present to be successful. The stats part of my brain is still blinking in red but I am trying to tame those thoughts and remind myself of how good I am regardless of my stats. Besides the fact that it is early in the season and I know that I get better and better everyday while everyone else will stay at the same level.
Most of the guys on my team really have terrible attitudes and it amazes me that they are so-called professionals. But I guess nothing really surprises me in pro hockey anymore so I am trying to go with the flow, act as though I am one of them around them and to stay true to myself on the inside. I know I can’t fight them all but like Dr. Neff said, I need to ally with the ones that are above the others. One of the toughest parts is the coach. He is a real piece of work but I am figuring him out too and once he learns that he can trust me, on and off of the ice, I think we will have a decent relationship anyway.
My agent told me that in Germany one of the old sayings is that “you have to take a step to begin a journey”. I keep thinking of this and how this opportunity is a great step for me. Just as last season when I arrived on my new team and found so many problems, I found ways to battle, beat and forget them and in the end became a true professional hockey player. Something that I had been striving toward for such a long time. So when I think about my situation here and downsize the importance, I feel much more relaxed and at ease. That is when I will perform my best, energetic, poised and relaxed.
Doc has designed a Monitoring Chart for me to complete so that we can track what is happening here.  I think this might actually be really beneficial to me. I really think what Dr. Neff does is so great and I hope that sharing my story with others will make a difference. Like Doc says, everyone’s path is different and unique and there is no right or wrong way to get to where you want to be. The beauty of what he does is to help people like me who, while on the path to their goals, may lose sight of the path in their heads but never in their hearts. I know through this all my heart always says the same thing, it is my head that needs to listen and continue to help carve my unique path to where I want to be.
Anyway, I have a game tomorrow, Friday, and then again on Sunday before we have a 10 day break with no games. I felt better and better everyday in practice this week and am ready to chase down those dreams again.